Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
