My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
