Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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