I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I will die if light touches me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish i was in the wii world.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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