So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
