I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
