it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
