she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
