You're my little dorito
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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