Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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