You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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