I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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