I hate your face
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
