He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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