OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
