sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
