my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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