exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
