i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
