hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
