you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
