it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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