Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
