Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
