I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
