Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
