So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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