Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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