She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
