You really coming over, don't trick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
