just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
