Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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