My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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