And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
