he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
