just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
