Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
