New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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