just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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