the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
