We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize