There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
