It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
