I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
and she was petting her beer can
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
