If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
