Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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