If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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