I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
