dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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