Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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