As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
