I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
