ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
