Screwed.edu
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
