We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
