Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
