Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
