I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize