I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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