Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
