I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
