my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
never play flip cup with pint glasses
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
