OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
