im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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