Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
