Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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