What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
