More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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