Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
