I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
