That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
