I met the friendliest cop last night
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize